This morning, I went back to court. Back to see if the judge would make my temporary restraining order permanent. The restraining order against my ex-husband’s girlfriend….who has been harassing me for two years. How did I get to this place where I had to get a restraining order against someone who (in a perfect world) would be a co-parent to my children? For two years, I have ignored her threatening, demeaning, harassing texts- sent via my ex-husband’s phone. I have lived in fear that she would make good on her violent threats, and wondered what exactly my children were subject to at their father’s house.
My turn the other cheek attitude ended on Christmas day, when she became physically violent with me and threatened to kill me….in front of my 16 year old. I could no longer stand idly by and allow her to molest me. My 16 year also followed suit and let my ex-husband know that they would not be spending anymore time at his house. I am proud of my child, and grateful for the court decision. It feels like a hollow victory though, since all I really wanted was to be left alone and not harrassed.
Since my ex-husband suggested a visitation schedule (prompted by Kiddo’s refusal to spend any time at his house after his girlfriend’s attack on me), and I agreed, I asked him if he would sign an amendment to our divorce reflecting that. He said he would if I signed a letter stating that I wouldn’t use that change to change anything else in the order. He’s such a dumb ass. I was trying to get him to do it the easy way, but I’ll be glad to drag his ass back to court and do it that way. Visitation only is what Kiddo wants, and she has good reason. I have written proof that he agreed to it before he realized it would change child support payments. He really thought that he could go from 40% custody to visitation only and not pay any more in child support. All of the benefits and none of the repercussions….just like always.
My life is about to change….again. Kiddo doesn’t want to be at their father’s house when his girlfriend is there, and he has agreed to that. He proposed a weekend outing, and she agrees to that. I will go from having Kiddo gone Thu-Sun three weekends a month to being with me all the time. Considering that I am out of town for work those weekends, this will be quite an adjustment. This will also require a re-working of our visitation agreement and support payments. I haven’t brought it up yet, but it needs to be done. It will also piss off the violent girlfriend. Yes, my life is about to change again….
It’s not enough that I kept it simple this year, planned ahead, and should have nothing to do at this point but relax….that’s not the way the universe works.
I heard back from my lawyer and he thinks I should file a restraining order against my ex-husband’s girlfriend and include my daughter as a protected person. As the girlfriend lives with my ex-husband (and he supports her- she doesn’t work), this would be quite a big deal.
I agree with my lawyer, and I don’t think this woman should be around my daughter….but this would bring about a huge shitstorm. I’m already fearful on a daily basis that she will damage my vehicle. I know she’s vindictive and childish, she has my ex-husband and my adult son to help with her bidding, and if the judge throws my daughter out of the restraining order, she may be subject to blowback.
I’m gathering opinions and trying to decide the best course of action. Leave a comment if you have an opinion, similar experience, or advice….my ears are open
I knew this morning when I asked Kiddo if they had talked to their dad about picking them up from school today that something was wrong. The look on Kiddo’s face said it all. I tried to ignore it and get ready for the school drop. I already had a million things that I have to do swirling around in my head.
On the ride to school it came up again. “I don’t want to go to dad’s” they told me. Boom. There it was. They wouldn’t tell me why, but their eyes shone with tears. Unfortunately, that decision is up to my ex. It is “his” weekend with them, so he has to agree. I am still waiting to hear what he says.
I love having more time with Kiddo, but I did have plans of getting schoolwork done and doing some rideshare driving this evening. Life as a single parent is noting if not unpredictable!
Last night, Kiddo texted me and asked if I could pick her up today from her dad’s house. Of course I can (even though our settlement agreement states that transportation to and from is specifically his responsibility). When I got to his house, there were not one, but two cars in the driveway. The one car has not been running for some time, but the other car had been. I asked Kiddo about why she needed a ride. Her dad was out of town ( which has been happening quite a bit lately), and now his girlfriend’s car is also broken down. They are going to be that car in the neighborhood that has a bunch of busted up cars laying around and waist high weeds. I’m sure their neighbors appreciate that.
Just stop. Stop harassing our child about finding a job, and learning to drive, because that would be easier for you. Stop putting what your girlfriend wants before what your child does. Stop putting our child in between us, sending her to me with your messages. Stop harassing me about money. You no longer get a vote in my finances. Stop referring to child support and allimony as the ‘gravy train’. I gave up my education and career to support you and raise our children. If it wasn’t ‘fair’, the court would not have made the judgement. Stop passing the blame on to me for your decisions. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your family. Stop it….JUST STOP!!!