I recently reconnected through social media with a friend from high school. Ok, a former crush. I’m very much in a relationship now and I think he is too, but it’s fun to see what he’s up to. The other day he posted something that really upset me….and not much on social media does upset me- not politics, not religion, not gross humor. He was complaining that his ex-wife was asking for more child support. It’s something a lot of men complain about, and it strikes a nerve because of my own experience and situation. Here’s the thing- child support is figured by a calculator in my state. You put in the numbers and it spits out the amount owed. The judge can’t change it, circumstances don’t affect it, it’s a purely mathematical issue. If your ex-wife can take you back to court and get you to pay more child support, it’s because your financial circumstances have changed, or hers have. Period. And she has every right to do that- it’s why the court allows for these things. He’s saying that he only makes $1000 a month right now and that she wants half. She’s raising 3 of his kids in another state (so not much visitation), and he thinks $500 a month is too much?! Seriously!?? And then he said that she makes enough and doesn’t need the money. Buddy, you created this family- you need to support it. Just because she has a decent job doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook. Take care of your fucking kids and stop complaining about it!
I’m not the most understanding when it comes to these types of issues. My own ex-husband is not a part of his child’s life and doesn’t pay as much child support as he should. He also refuses to pay his half of the medical bills (which he is court ordered to do). I hate to say it, but you can see their priorities when a man doesn’t put his child’s financial needs first. Many get caught up with the fact that the money goes to their ex-wife, and can’t understand the idea that this money is actually for the children. They completely ignore what a woman often gives up to become a mother. I am biased in this because I dropped out of college to stay home with my kids. My ex-husband got his degree and has a good job with years of experience in his field, while I have been unable to find a part time minimum wage job in my area because I have been out of the work force so long. So when a man says it isn’t fair that he has to pay….I say that’s right- it isn’t fair that all the mother gets is your money when she should get your help, your career and prospects, and your undying gratitude for raising your children.(This of course does not apply in all cases)