The Hardest Part

The hardest part of my divorce has not been the loss of family, the financial strain, or the effect on my children….the hardest part has been watching the person who my partner decide to remove himself from our daughters life. When we were waiting to go into the courtroom this week, he complained to me that he had not agreed to a change in custody, only visitation.To me, they were one in the same. How can you go from 4o℅ custody to a single weekly visit for a few hours (which is  much more than than once a month couple hours visit that he is actually having), and still say that you are a custodial parent?  He got mad and said he would ask the judge…..the judge agreed with me, and saw that the custody change was what I asked for in the original order. My ex wants all of the benefits of being a parent (like a say in decisions), but none of the responsibilities of actually being a parent.

It’s heartbreaking to watch what a sad person he’s become. I feel sorry for him, knowing that he goes home to that terrible woman at night. His pettiness is beyond belief. I went into that courtroom and asked for a continuance because of his health issues (which I fully realize are inflated), and he refused to allow it. The judge was shocked…he told my ex that this was a gift….people don’t do this, I was being gracious and he should accept it. He has become so mean and petty that he would not allow it, and I just didn’t want to fight. I don’t want to fight him on every damn thing. I took the matter off calendar, and will probably re-file at some point. Even though I lost out on the extra money that I know I would be getting, I felt like being in control was a win for me. The judge told him once again that he was lucky and should appreciate it, but I know he doesn’t.

Stress

It’s 4 am. I should be sound asleep, preparing myself for my 8am class and a busy Monday. Instead, I am lying in a tepid bath with my trusty cat companion perched on the side of the tub. I’m supposed to be in court Tuesday morning, and I’m stressed. This was supposed to be simple. My ex-husband gave up his custody and the child support is supposed to be adjusted accordingly. It’s a simple matter….except that my ex-husband can never leave it at that. He’s claiming that he has some medical condition requiring $900 of therapy a month, and that it may become permanent. He’s claiming that he fully supports our 20 year old son (who is in a non-profit vocational program and lives in the dorms and receives a living stipend). He’s claiming that I owe him half the cost of medical co-pays for our daughter which were paid from his medical account with his permission before our divorce. He’s claiming that I haven’t made a “good faith effort” to become self sufficient….because despite being a stay home parent for 20 years, 3 years should be plenty of time for me to get an education and make the same amount that he does with his BS and 10 +years of experience.
The difference in child support, as I calculate it- if the court doesn’t agree with adjusting his expenses, is $200 more a month. It’s not a huge amount, but it would allow me to be home more. Despite the breathing room it would give me, I’m not sure if I’m up to going to court over it. I’m so tired of the bullshit, the penny pinching and fighting….I wish he acted like a rational person and we could have a normal conversation. I don’t know if this fight is worth it right now.