Surprised

Yesterday, I invited The Musician over for lunch. We had talked about watching Lost, so I que’d¬† that up on Netflix and cooked us a delicious lunch (to prove my cooking skills). Things with him are going swimmingly. He’s kind, considerate, caring, affectionate, sweet, smart, and interesting. He’s also totally Ga-Ga over me….which I find adorable.

I had been trying to take things slow on the physical side. We hadn’t even kissed. I know myself. I am a very sexual person, and physical intimacy tends to snowball for me because of it. I wanted to save that until we were ready…epic fail on that front. Things were going great, just some light snuggling on the couch as we watched TV, and then I got up for some reason and he pulled me back onto his lap with my back against him. He started running his hands along my body (very gently, and careful not to touch the private bits) and give out soft little moans of desire…

Oh my gawd! It was just too much for me. I got intensely turned on and ended up straddling him and making out. He’s a good kisser, and my desire rose. Finally, I said I thought we should go to the bedroom. He was surprised but happy. Unfortunately, I took him too much by surprise. He was too nervous…I was too intense. This is not the first time this has happened to me. O scare men. I surprise them. They don’t expect a nice girl like me to be a Tasmanian Devil in the bedroom. It’s too much, I overwhelm them.

I felt bad, he felt bad, and later that night we had our first “fight”….which is actually a good sign. Being able to resolve an issue is a good skill and we are both the better for understanding the others perspective. We had lunch and spent some time shopping yesterday. We’re looking forward to trying again next week, and I may be able to see his band play this weekend.

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Charming

   Last night was my dinner date with The Musician. We actually saw each other for a little while the night before. He was getting home late from a gig, and we met up at Denny’s for a bite. It was nice seeing him, but we were both very tired.
   Dinner was nice….very nice. We both got the same thing- a seasoned steak with avacado served in a bed of asparagus and roasted tomatoes. It was delicious, and something we could both eat (he eats paleo, and I have to avoid my GERD trigger foods). We had some good conversation, and after dinner we took a little walk around the craft store. He was surprised to hear that I can cook, and that I’m crafty. I was surprised that he is not, being that he is so musical.
   We ended up sitting in my car and talking…. some really good conversation… hand holding and cuddling. We haven’t kissed yet. I have been holding back on getting physical on purpose, and we talked about that too. I really look forward to spending more time with him. Of course, I have some reservations…he is 15 years older and a professional musician… but they are more minor. I’m just enjoying what we have for now.

Looking Forward

Conversation with the musician that I met for coffee yesterday has been ongoing. We even had a phone call this evening. We made plans for dinner next week. I haven’t enjoyed the company of anyone this much in quite a while, and it’s a nice change. He sent me a text that said “Thinking about you”, which is just about the sweetest thing ever…especially since I know he was busy getting ready to play a gig. The thing is, I’ve been thinking about him, too. I texted my best friend and told her that he had met me with a rose and kissed me goodbye on the cheek. Her response? ” and between times you didn’t hate him?” I asked if she was surprised, and she said yes. She says I’m too picky. I would love to hear what she thinks of him….
I couldn’t remember how tall he was, so I went and looked up his profile on the dating site (5’11”). He has put an ‘update’ on his profile that says something about recently meeting an attractive girl, and not wanting to start anything new while he is dating her, since he’s a one woman man. Again, very sweet and totally unexpected…. not that I am answering any incoming messages right now either. It’s funny, I keep wondering- why this guy? What does he have that makes me want to open my heart to him when I haven’t to anyone else for a while? I think the answer is that he is a good, kind, considerate, caring person…and that’s a good thing!

Not a Waste of Curling my Hair

Today I had a coffee date. I wasn’t very excited about it, but I am trying to keep a more open mind about people so I went anyway. I even took the time to curl my hair.

He was inside the shop, but watching for me. He met me at the door, pulled out my chair, and presented me with a single red rose. He bought me a beverage, and we talked. Conversation flowed pretty well after the initial awkwardness, and he seemed really sweet. I had to pick my Kiddo up from school, so we were on a time limit. I think that’s actually a good thing for a first meeting. When I left, he said he wanted to see me again, and gave me a kiss on the cheek as we hugged.

I’ve been texting him all afternoon, so we’ll see how it goes…

Fifth Wheel

Last night, I went to Karaoke with friends. This used to be a very regular occurrence, but we haven’t done it in months. It was nice to get out, and even nicer to see my friends. As much as I did enjoy it, I ended the evening feeling very much alone. I was stuck between two couples; a been together forever and still so much in love couple, and a we’re so new we’re not quite sure yet but we definitely have goo-goo eyes couple. I’m happy for them….all of them….and I’m still sad for me. I miss having someone that actually gives a fuck how I am. I think money stress, the stress of starting a new semester, hormones, and legal issues are all coloring my world right now….I just want to wake up with a solid pair of arms wrapped around me.

Everyone Processes Differently

   Last night, my parents dog died. She had been sick for only a day or two, and they had taken her to the vet. He said she had a cold and gave her antibiotics.
   That dog was the only thing in this world that brought my dad joy anymore. He couldn’t care less about his family, but that damn dog got all of his affection.
   My mom loved the dog, too, although she never wanted it. The dog became as much hers as it was my dad’s over time. She developed a routine with the dog, and fondness grew.
   Both of my parents were affected by the sudden death of the dog, and both are dealing with it in different ways. My mom got rid of everything associated with the dog very quickly. She did not want any reminders of her around the house because it was too painful. My dad buried her in the back yard. He took her medicine and put it in the fridge. He went for their nightly walk without her. He needs to remember and be reminded of her.
   My dad is upset that my mom got rid of the dogs things so quickly. My mom is upset that my dad won’t throw her medicine away. They are both grieving, they are both processing in their own ways. I wish they could take a moment to comfort each other and to see the value in the way the other one is processing.