Vulnerable

This morning, I submitted an application for a job at the library. This is the first job application that I have filled out for some time, and it makes me feel very vulnerable. I want this job so badly that I can taste it.

I am in the odd position of having had some experience in retail/customer service and lower management, but so long ago that it doesn’t feel like it counts. I’ve started and ran two cottage businesses from home. I have four years of junior college classwork and no certificates or degree. I’m working now, but you can’t verify that and I don’t know what my last boss would say about me since she hasn’t offered me a job in months.

I desperately want this job. It’s perfect for me. I feel like I can’t go back to a crappy retail/customer service job that I hate. But books….the library! I love books and am an avid reader. I am familiar with the library set up and systems. I could be happy working there- especially the branch that is five minutes away from me.

I would love to come home after a day of work, and not be in my parents guest room. Yes, I might miss being in ‘civilisation’ but it would make my life so much more stable and less crazy. If I had a regular job close to home, I might even think about a relationship again.

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