Dear Dating Men…

Dear Dating Men of the Interwebs,

   In the year 2015, you have a lot of competition. You must prove yourself to be a respectful, modern man to interest a respectful, modern woman. The use of nicknames before we’ve ever had a conversation is belittling and demeaning. I’m not your ‘sweetie’, ‘doll’, or ‘luv’ in the first conversation. You don’t need to use these “terms of endearment” to put me in my place… society has already made it very clear that my worth hangs on my male counterpart.
   I understand that you might think you’re giving me a compliment, but what your message about your positive reaction to my physique really says to me is that you’re the man and you give your approval. You are stamping me as “worthy” because of how I physically look- which I don’t even have much control over. You’re telling me that my worth lies in that one aspect of me, and that you don’t really care about anything else.
No, it’s not the same. Yes, men get judged on appearance too, but they don’t get VALUED on it. Is there a Mr. USA pagent where men parade around in different outfits? No, there’s a Mr.Universe where they show off what their hard work has done to their bodies. Clearly it is not the same- look at what sits on Trump’s head, and what he has said about his female competition.
When you leave your profile empty, or obviously omit pertinent personal information, you say that you have something to hide or that you’re so much better than everyone else here that you get to pick and choose what to reveal, or that you just don’t care. I don’t need to prove myself ‘worthy’ of your basic information. If you can’t fill in those boxes, don’t say that you’re honest, straightforward, or an open book- it’s an outright lie and an insult to my intelligence.
   I get a lot of messages. If you send me a message that just says “Hi”, or ” How are you?”, I won’t be inclined to answer. The messages that make me want to answer are the ones which make it clear that they have read my profile, contain some point that I can respond to, and have made an effort to show some connection. It doesn’t have to be super long, but give me some reason to want to answer it.
   If I tell you something is offensive- I’m trying to help you. Don’t argue with me. If you’re still on the dating site then you haven’t been successful. You might want to consider my advice.

Good luck- it’s rough out there!


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