Trying Hard to Breathe

   I have come to accept that money will be tight. As  single mother and a student, this is just a fact of life. I have many years of stretching the budget, creating money from nothing, and generally doing without when at all possible. Still, I feel as though I have a pretty good life. There isn’t much that I think we really need that we don’t have, and I am lucky that I have good friends who would not let me go without the necessities.
   When we finally signed our divorce agreement, I thought that it would make the financial situation better somehow. I would have some retirement, although I can’t touch it without great penalties. The support payments would be automatically deducted from my ex’s paychecks. This is awesome, as he was often late and sometimes deducted random amounts from them ( like the last check he sent me- which he deducted over $250 from…because he felt that the automatic withdrawal would create an overage for me). I could now qualify for my own healthcare- better coverage at a lower price.
   My lawyer failed to warn me that the withholding of support payments was coming, and that it would take time. I may be late or miss a whole support payment. Not knowing this fact, I did not save any money beforehand. I also had no way of knowing that my last support check would be so low. I have been worried that I might not have enough money to feed us until my support check comes, not to mention the fact that if I miss a check entirely I have no way of paying my rent.
   Last night, my daughter started a Spanish class at the college. Her high school requires two years of a foreign language to graduate, but she is starting her junior year and has not been able to get in to Spanish (the only other option is French). She found out that she could take an accelerated course at the college, and finish two years worth in two semesters. She was all for that. So we ordered what she needs for the class today, and paid her registration fees- it came out to about $200. Which is also about what I have left in my bank account. I am terrified that we just won’t make it until that support check comes through.
   I have just been repeating my mantra to myself over and over “You will be OK”, but it’s not really convincing me. I’m glad that my daughter is going to her dad’s tonight for the weekend. She will be fed, and I can cry openly.


One thought on “Trying Hard to Breathe

  1. Oh honey. I’ve been there…. And still am for the most part. You will make it through this no matter what happens. Take care of yourself. One foot in front of the other. Hugs! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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