Respinsibility and Consent

   A young man I know has his first real girlfriend. They have been friends for two years, and apparently she’s been talking to him for two years about sex. I don’t know the exact conversations, but any conversations about those topics to a boy of that age are likely to get him thinking about it. Now that he is coupled with this girl, he has made her uncomfortable. She complained to his mom that he was groping her and she didn’t want him to.
   As the mother of a teenage son and daughter,I was interested in the moms reaction. I would firstly have been horrified that my child was forcing himself on someone, and we would have had numerous discussions about getting permission from sexual partners before diving in.
   Instead, this mom was physically keeping her son away from the girl, shrugging her shoulders and saying that it was basically the girls fault for talking about sexual topics.
   Excuse me?! This is a feminist mom, with a history of abuse. I would think that of anyone, she would be the one to teach her son that he needs to make sure his partner is a willing participant in any sexual activity….every time.
   No matter what a girl says, wears, or where she goes- unwanted sexual activity is not her fault. It is not a ‘consequence’…it is abuse. Men who take advantage of circumstances are perpetrators. We need to teach our young men and women that, and stop making excuses!


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