Taking a Step Back

   I did hear from Mr. Four-Hour-Lunch this morning. It was the typical good morning, coupled with an apology that he didn’t call last night. He also said that he felt I was mad at him for something that is outside his control. He’s talking about work. He is constantly being called in to work for emergencies, or staying late because of them. He is scheduled to work 5 twelve hour shifts a week, plus two weekends a month. This has turned into 16 hour shifts and almost every weekend. I get that he has a job, and that unexpected things come up. This happens with my job as well- just not every time I make plans. The thing is, when he needs time off because of his daughter’s softball tournament, or the kids doctor appointments… he gets it. So he can stand up and get time off when it’s important to him. Our dates are just not that important to him.
   Also….he thought I was mad at him- so he didn’t call. Seems to me that if he was really invested and thought I was upset, he would make a special effort to talk it out. I told him that anger is a secondary emotion. I am hurt, sad, disappointed, and frustrated. If he can make plans and keep them, I would love to see him. In the meantime, I am taking a step back because I feel like I am putting everything in and getting nothing back. He hasn’t answered, which could just mean that he went back to work, or it could be an answer itself. I guess time will tell. I’m not all that concerned.
   I am about to start school again, and this semester I am hoping to take two classes (I am on the wait list for one). I am trying online classes to see if that is better with my traveling for work, and I am hoping to work as much as possible. I have deleted all dating apps from my phone, and deleted my profiles from websites. I just don’t think I’ll have the time/energy once school starts, and I feel like I need a little break.
   The other night, after my plans with Mr. Four-Hour-Lunch fell through, I invited my ex-boyfriend over. I haven’t stopped missing him since we broke up, and I know that he feels the same. The situation that broke us up hasn’t changed, but I enjoy his company. Hanging out with him was nice, and it may be the perfect interim solution.

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3 thoughts on “Taking a Step Back

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