No More

   No more Mr. Four-Hour-Lunch. I liked the guy, but all he could muster up was 10 hours in the first month of dating. I understand he has a job with crazy hours, so do I. I can’t be an afterthought, I need to be a priority. When he needed time off to coach his daughter’s softball team, he made it happen. I needed the same commitment. It sounds crazy to even be saying this shit a month in, but he wanted to be serious from the get go. I’m OK being all in, but then you also have to be all in. It’s a two way street.

Stop

   Just stop. Stop harassing our child about finding a job, and learning to drive, because that would be easier for you. Stop putting what your girlfriend wants before what your child does. Stop putting our child in between us, sending her to me with your messages. Stop harassing me about money. You no longer get a vote in my finances. Stop referring to child support and allimony as the ‘gravy train’. I gave up my education and career to support you and raise our children. If it wasn’t ‘fair’, the court would not have made the judgement. Stop passing the blame on to me for your decisions. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your family. Stop it….JUST STOP!!!

Driver’s Education

   My kid keeps coming to me and telling me that “Dad wants me to learn to drive”. Now, getting a job has been added. Even though I was working at that same age, I feel like as soon as school starts, school, dance, theater, and volunteering, will keep them busy, and that they won’t have time for a job, anyway. Of course, it would be nice for them to have their own spending money, but it is very difficult for kids here to find a job.
   We have been going back and forth with the driving thing. I can’t afford to pay full coverage insurance for them, and my car loan requires the driver coverage for my car be full. Their dad has a vehicle that they could drive, if he gets it fixed. I’m not in a hurry for them to be driving, or working. If he wants them to be driving so badly, he’ll have to pay for it.
   He also needs to stop sending messages through them, and speak directly to me. I don’t care if our communication makes his girlfriend mad….we have kids, and they are more important!

Awkward

   I finally managed to see Mr. Four-Hour-Lunch for the third time last night. It wasn’t so much a date, as answering a distress call. I had bought a make up vanity, and needed help to get it out of my car. It actually got him here, though. And I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but- third date, and all…
   He single handedly took care of the vanity. We talked and played with my cat for a while, then we moved to the couch and talked some more. Eventually, he kissed me…and we started making out. His hands felt so nice- on my face, in my hair, on my arm….but he was definitely not in a hurry. After an eternity, he brushed his hand over my breast. My nipple immediately responded to his touch, and he liftef up my shirt and pulled down my bra to free it. We’re kissing, and he’s twiddling my nipple, and I’m wondering why we aren’t moving to the bedroom.
   He starts talking about needing to leave. Whoa….you don’t have to leave, but if you’re going to stay, you should go to the store and get condoms. I can tell there’s some internal struggle going on, but I’m not sure what it is. He finally says “OK, we’ll see..” and leaves. I knew then that he wasn’t coming back, but I still didn’t know why.
   He calls me, says it’s too late and he’s heading home. Then he starts talking about not thinking things would go this way tonight (hello-third date!), and not being prepared. I’m not getting it….prepared how? Did he Jack off already today? Yes, that too…does he need a little blue pill? Yes, sometimes- especially when he’s tired like he is now. Maybe you should have told me about all this before you got me hot and bothered, and then ran away. Next time, let’s talk about these things sooner!

Setting Boundaries

   I have noticed that some men are unable to set boundaries at work. My ex-husband was this way. He would work 12 (or more) hour days, bring work home, and work on weekends. He was also salaried, so he wasn’t even getting paid for that time. I understand that you have an important job to do, but you can’t do it 24-7.
   My sister’s fiancee is the same way. If he takes a day off, he is fielding phone calls, texts and emails from work the entire time. My ex-husband was a Geologist for a mine, he was always working in mine plans. But my sister’s fiancee is head of security at a shopping mall. I don’t understand what they are constantly contacting him for. I think that some men set a precedent for every little thing to be run by them at work.
   I am afraid that Mr. Four-Hour-Lunch is this same type of guy. He works really long hours during the week, and overtime on some weekends as well. Last night, his work called him at 1:30 in the morning. He had just gone to bed since he wasn’t supposed to work all weekend. The crazy thing is that he heard his phone, answered it- and went in. It was supposedly some emergency, but 12 hours later he is still there. Boundaries! Set them, keep them. Don’t let the people at work take advantage of you, and don’t over extend yourself.

Making Plans

   So…things are going well with Mr. Four-Hour-Lunch. He’s nice…I like him…I’m attracted to him…he seems to be thinking long term….except it is nearly impossible to make plans with him.
   When we met, he was in the middle of softball playoffs with his daughter’s team. He’s a coach- I get it. That’s why it took two weeks for us to get a second date. When we’re together, everything seems good. Then we start to try and make plans again…
   OMG, it feels like pulling teeth! He has a heavy work schedule, and never knows exactly when he will be off. I do understand that, but at a certain point you have to set a priority and make it happen. If he can’t even squeeze time in at the beginning of a relationship, what is going to happen down the line?
   It’s not just that he won’t make plans, when we do make plans, he changes them. He’ll say he’s going to call/text/let me know something- and then he doesn’t.
   If it’s this much of a struggle getting things started, that’s not a good sign for the long term. He did it again today
His daughter was supposed to have her wisdom teeth pulled this morning, and I was going to sit with him while he was waiting. The time got pushed back a couple hours…OK, fine. They finally get checked in, and I am on my way to get him a Starbucks and meet him at the office….. and they reschedule her surgery….because he let her drink a bottle of water. The initial time change was totally not his fault, but come on- you let your kid drink something the day of surgery after they told you not to? That’s on you. I thought that maybe he would see if I wanted to join them for lunch, since I had already driven all the way over there, but no. Ok, meeting the kid is probably not a good idea yet, I get it.
   He asked me what my plans for later were, and said he’d call me- he needed to get some work done on his truck. Never called, and when I texted he said his oldest daughter was at his house when he got home and he’s been working on her mini van. I had to ask him what the deal for the evening was…. he’s going to try and get his truck finished. Ok, great- I should be working on my paper, anyway. Then he asks what I am doing Sat/Sun? I said that I didn’t have plans yet, and he just said OK. I can’t continue in this pattern. I texted him and said that I am not going to keep days available for him. If he wants to see me, he can make plans- if not, I may not be available. I know he’s busy. So am I.
WTF dude?!

Missing

   I miss my ex. Not my husband of 20 years, but the man that I dated for nine months. It seems odd that would be the case, but it is.
   I miss his smell. He had such a string, pungent smell. I have never been with anyone as smelly as he was. At first, I had a hard time with his scent, but I came to love it. I always thought it odd that he didn’t wear a cologne to help mask it, but it probably wouldn’t have done any good, anyway.
   I miss his voice, the way that he called me ‘baby’, and his firm grip, always somewhere on me. He was the touchiest, feeliest man I have ever known, and I loved it. We would be out getting some groceries, and he would pull me down an empty aisle and kiss me passionately. Every interaction ended with an “I love you”, and he really meant it, every time.
   I miss just knowing that I had a person to be there…. you know, if there was a ‘plus one’ situation, or a body that needed dragging. I miss his kids, too- even though they were a big part of why we broke up. I miss looking forward to sharing news with him, hearing his encouragement, and hearing his news in return.
   I miss the sex. Oh my god, the sex! It was truly the best sex that I have ever had- every single time. I just felt so connected to him when we were together. He had this way of knowing what felt good to me, and exploring that more. I’m a big thinker, and sometimes in bed I am thinking about something else entirely. He had a way of engaging all of my senses so that I was completely present, and not thinking about anything else. He would get me so excited beforehand, that by the time we were actually having sex, I would orgasm pretty quickly. I had the most intense, longest orgasms with him. Not like anything else I had ever experienced before. I’m pretty sure that his tiny penis was the reason behind this. I would get on top and ride him, and I think he was hitting my G-Spot. But he also used his hands all over me, kissed me passionately, and said the most endearing things during sex. He also managed to orgasm at the same time as I did….almost every single time. It was a mind blowing sexual connection, and I really miss it.