The Myth of ‘Chemistry’

   In online dating, you will see references to Chemistry everywhere. “Let’s meet, and test our chemistry”… ” It doesn’t work without Chemistry!”.  Etc.
I am calling ‘bullshit’ on the idea of chemistry. Not that I don’t agree that some people have an instantaneous physical attraction; certainly they do. That’s hormones and pheromones at play, but it isn’t necessarily a good predictor of compatibility long term (or even sexually). Those things take more time.
   The people that I have had great instant chemistry with, have been some of the worst matches long term. My best matches long term have been people who have to grow on me. I think there’s something to be said for meeting someone a few times before deciding if you really want to keep seeing them or not. Common interests, goals, and outlooks seem more important than chemistry to me.
   Many couples who have been together long term will recount a tale of having known each other casually for quite some time before realizing  they might be attracted to their future mate. It is often only after getting to know someone somewhat that you can see their true personality.
   I don’t dismiss someone so quickly if they are a good, solid human….but I’m a rare breed in the online dating community.


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