If you have a big penis or only want to date well-endowed men we’ve found the dating site for you

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The Lies We Tell Ourselves

   I had a really great first date with a guy I met from eHarmony. Then we had a second date….eh, not so much. I wasn’t feeling well, so I’m sure that how the date went was at least partially my fault. I just had a feeling that I would soon be hearing some disappointing news from him. Sure enough…
He rents a furnished bedroom from a female homeowner (who has a preschooler)…which means that every other weekend when his son comes over, one of them sleeps on the floor….and he’s been there 9 months, and has no plans of moving….he’s been living off what he makes trading stocks, but it isn’t going well so he’s applying for jobs…..he has a Masters, he was a social worker, but it got too stressful…
   Why do men who aren’t taking care of themselves or their kids financially, think they are relationship material??

eHarmony Experiment

   I keep seeing the “Now, communicate free” commercials from eHarmony. I am experienced enough to know that this is not full disclosure on eHarmony’s part, but I thought I could set up a profile and check it out….just see if it’s worth paying for.
   The things they don’t tell you on the commercials are that the “communication” you can do for free is a series of guided communications back and forth, getting deeper and deeper until you get to actual messages that you can write…except that you can’t read or write these without being a paid member, and also that you can’t see anyone’s pictures without being a paid member….not even a profile picture.
   So, I set my profile up…pictures and all, and I waited for my matches. The first day, in the first set of matches, there were a few that sounded interesting to me. I went ahead and sent smiles to those that interested me….without having a clue what they looked like. The next day, I was sent a set of questions from Tom. I still am not sure if I sent him a smile first or not. The questions that he sent intrigued me, so I answered them and sent a set of questions back. He answered those, and took the next step in guided communication….we went back and forth through the hoops until we could write out our own answers to the questions. By that point, I knew that I was interested in talking more with this fellow. I knew that the next step in the guided communication would be a message that I would neither be able to read nor reply to, so I became proactive. I added my email in my profile text, and asked him to contact me off site. He sent a message saying my email had been cut off…I could only see the first few words of his message. So, I changed the way my email was written in my profile, hoping it would not be edited, and waited. The next night I got an email from him. I’m not sure if he figured out my email clue, or if it didn’t get edited, but he sent it and I replied. He asked me to verify info from my profile so that he’d know it was the right person, which I did. He asked me to text him after that.
   At this point, I am very interested in getting to know more about this man, but I still have absolutely no idea what he looks like! Eventually, I asked for a picture. He hadn’t realized that I didn’t see his pictures, and thought that was funny.
   I was much relieved when I got the picture. He was no super model, but no troll either. He’s cute in a middle aged nerdy dad kind of way, which is just perfect for me. He wanted to meet up sooner than later, which was fine by me. We decided on dinner Thursday after I was done with work.
   He was very thoughtful and considerate in finding a restaurant. Honestly, it was a perfect first date. He was waiting for me in front of the restaurant….which was a hidden gem. The ambiance was rich and cozy without being pretentious. The service was excellent and the food was amazing. 
   We started out with a special appetizer of heirloom tomatoes grown in the restaurant garden with an apple cider vinegar dressing, and some fancy cocktails. He got a pear martini, and I got a watermelon freeze. It reminded me of the Slurpee Cocktails we used to make back in the day. We both got steak and potatoes for dinner….both were beautiful and delicious. We finished off sharing a salted caramel sundae for dessert. Even the ice cream was home made! The dinner was full of wonderful conversation, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company. After dinner, we took a stroll through the restaurant’s garden….a truly magical place!
   I have been working hard on my dating ‘game’, and so even though I didn’t want the evening to end, I had Tom walk me to my car and finish the evening. We chatted a little bit, I gave him a hug, and he kissed me on the cheek. He said he wanted to see me again, and I was smiling so hard that I couldn’t answer.
   Before I had driven a block, I got a text from Tom…a row of smiley faces and thumbs ups. I felt the same way. When he got home, he texted me that he really really liked me and that he hadn’t felt a connection like that for some time. He wanted to know when he could see me again, so we made plans for Sunday. I’m not sure what we’re doing yet, but I can’t wait to see him!

That Was a Bad One

   I keep meeting these dudes in my area….salt of the earth, blue collar, no apologies, you get what you see kinda dudes. I wish they did it for me, because it seems to be the only guys who live around here. (Well, let’s be honest…. anyone who could live somewhere else, would!)
   I met with another one today. We’ve been texting for a week or so. He’s sweet, considerate, chatty….it was time to do the meet and see if this thing had legs.
   He started off by annoying me by asking at the last minute if we could push the time back half an hour…..because he had just put laundry in the drier. This is after he asked for directions to the restaurant. So I’m supposed to wait because you didn’t have the planning and forethought to manage your time?? I was already out of the shower and getting ready, so it really did bug me. I said OK, though, and planned to be there slightly late so that he was waiting for me. But no, he actually pulled in behind me and was confused by the location….even though I told him the cafe was at the airport. He seemed really excited to meet me, and we went inside. He was talking a lot…..which, I realize some people do when they are nervous, but when the waitress said they were closing in 15 minutes he didn’t get the clue to clam up and eat.
   He also picked a table where we were seated next to each other, rather than across. He seemed to have a hard time maintaining eye contact, and spent most of the time talking about his ex-wife….and what a great dad he is. It’s wonderful that your kids love you….despite how little you see them. I’m not really buying any of the stories that he’s telling, and what I am seeing is that he was devastated by his ex-wife leaving him, and that he’s still trying to pick up the pieces….over six years later.
   Dude was completely oblivious to the fact that the people were trying to close up the restaurant and waiting for us to leave. Then he says he’s out of gas…how’s he going to find a gas station around here?? I asked him if he had a smartphone…..yes, in the car. Trying to be nice, I found him one…and showed him the directions. He asked to follow me there! I have a terrible sense of direction, so I tried to be understanding, even though I wanted to run away. No, I won’t be seeing that one again…

The Sad Truth About Zoosk

   I have used Zoosk before, and recently gone back to it again….now I remember why I left, and stayed away so long. Zoosk is the worst of the worst when it comes to making itself seem better than it is.
   You can use Zoosk for free (much like Match, and now EHarmony from what I understand)….but you have limited access. You can’t communicate wore than a canned Wink. So, I payed the $30 or so for a month membership. I did meet a couple serious guys there last time (with serious problems!).
   What I have found is that most of the members in my area are not paid members and cannot communicate. I also believe that many are also old profiles, no longer in use (not any different than what I know about POF and Match, and probably all of them). Let this be a lesson to you….if you do not delete your profile, it will still be coming up…..for YEARS. Do us all who are actively using the site a favor, and just delete the damn thing!
   Zoosk is tricky, in that as you scroll through profiles, it registers as a ‘view’….giving false hope, and encouraging more use. I think this is horrible, and dishonest.
   Worse than that is the free option to Boost or Mega Flirt. I believe I tried the Mega Flirt option, just to see what it does…..it actually sends out a canned message from you to random people ‘in your area’ (which for me was up to 100 miles away), making them believe that you are wanting to chat with them. This was horrible, and I’m still dealing with the aftermath.
   Zoosk’s Carousel is almost as bad. It works similar to Tinder…a photo, a couple stats….do you want to meet? Yes, maybe, or no. You earn points for maybe or yes, encouraging you to be more lenient with your choices. If you both say yes or maybe, you can use the points to unlock their profile, and enable chat. Once again, leading this person to believe that you are wanting to chat with them when it may not be the case.
   I think that it works worse than most other dating sites, but because you can’t communicate for free it might just be weeding out communications that wouldn’t lead anywhere, anyway.
   In short, I will be leaving after my 30 paid days, and not coming back until my memory fades.

Not the Same

   When I broke up with my boyfriend…my last boyfriend….the only boyfriend I’ve had since my ex-husband was my boyfriend….. I left some furniture in his garage. Correction…his family’s garage. Because he and his four kids live in a house with his sister, two of his brothers, and their mom. Yes, it’s a big house….but there are also some big personalities living in it.
   So I knew that one day, he would have to deliver that furniture. We set it up for Saturday, and then it got pushed to Sunday. We fought about the fact that it had to be moved. I had been doing my damnedest to keep my weekend schedule all full, and that left me with an open afternoon. Of course, I couldn’t tell him that.
   I thought that at least he was going to help me out. The big, heavy filing cabinets were finally going to make their way into the living room and I could finalize the placement for all the other furniture. I’ve only been living here since….January?
   When he got here, he just slid them into the garage. You wanted them in the house? I had told him that before, and he said he could borrow a dolly from a neighbor. He told me that I could rent a dolly and do it myself….except that they are so heavy, I probably can’t lift them onto a dolly myself, and now they are  blocking the way into the garage and I can’t get anything in or out. So much for helpfulness.
   I almost broke down into tears over sheer frustration of the whole thing. I am trying to get my garage cleaned out so that I can park my car in it…now I will have to pay someone to come move these things, and honestly I don’t have the mental fortitude to do it…so they will sit and nothing will get done.
   That was when I realized that we are no longer connected in his eyes…he doesn’t care….it doesn’t matter to him that he made my life more difficult instead of easier…I am no longer his problem. When he came in for a drink….my cat wouldn’t even let him pet her. She didn’t recognize him….it’s not the same….

The Point of Dating

   I had another date from Tinder last night. I’m telling you girls- Tinder is the shit. People will say “It’s so shallow… it’s all based on looks”…. Yes, true, and if you met someone somewhere in real life that would be the only thing you knew about them at first. At least with Tinder, you know there is some kind of attraction. I mean, to send a message with nothing much else to go on, you have to have that. Maybe Tinder is actually more like natural dating.
   This revelation comes in the heels of having some terrible luck with online dating. There’s just too much information….you start over thinking things…or I do, anyway. I get ahead of myself, and I even ignore the physical aspects in lieu of a great profile.
   Maybe it’s just better to stick with Tinder, meet people, and see where it goes. Honestly, I think the young guns have gone elsewhere by now.