The ‘Wanting a Relationship’ Guy

   Doing the online dating thing, you begin to see patterns in human behavior. I hate to lump people into a certain ‘type’, but there do seem to be similarities. One type of man that I see over and over on these websites is the guy who wants to have a relationship (sometimes desperately), but who is not really in a place to do it.
   I don’t mean to discriminate against men….I’m positive that there are tons of women in a similar situation. I date men only, so I only see the men.
   My last boyfriend was a perfect example of this type of guy. He was lonely, depressed, and tired of being alone. Meeting me seemed to boost his self esteem and regulate his depression. He was a great guy- treated me well, and almost immediately started talking about becoming more serious. Very serious. He never asked me to marry him, but he told me that he wanted to build a life together and be my husband….that’s where he wanted things to lead.
   Sounds great, right? Except that he wasn’t employed at the time, and that he lived in a house with his mother, sister, two brothers, and his four kids. He *wanted* a serious relationship…..but he wasn’t in a place financially to develop one. That may sound shallow, but it’s the reality for me. I am financially independent and live alone, and I expect as much from my man.
   Another prime example is a friend that called me at 7 freaking o’clock this morning….on a holiday! He has decided that he’s open to a relationship (where before he wanted no commitment). Great! Except that he’s a raging alcoholic, and has put himself in a precarious position where his work commute is 100 miles each way every day. He can’t afford to commute (and still afford beer), or to stay closer to work without selling his house or renting it out (which he won’t do), and his health is all messed up because of his drinking. Sounds like a real catch, eh?
   These guys often wonder why the only women they attract are the ones who are jobless and living with someone else. The fact is, if you want to attract a good mate….you have to become the type of person that would make a good mate for them.
   Another one of these ‘wanting a relationship guys’ is the never been married, no kids guy. At first, this guy seems like a real catch. He probably even has a decent job and a place of his own. ‘No baggage!’ You think. Think a little harder about it. Any man who has hit middle age, and has not been able to commit to a marriage and family, has commitment issues. He will say that he hasn’t found the right woman….he will say that he is ready now to make a commitment…he will say that his issues are in the past…. Move on from this one quickly. He is just fooling himself. He will never find anyone ‘good enough’ for him.
    Then there are the straight up liars. They will say they are looking for a relationship just because they don’t think the girls will give them the time of day otherwise. They are really just looking to hit it and quit it….one conversation is usually enough to figure it out, but sometimes they put on quite a show.
  So there you go, just because he says that he’s looking for a relationship, doesn’t mean it’s true.


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