Big Mouth Friends

   I have a friend….a very well meaning friend….who comes out with these weird blanket statements (usually that pertain to MY life, and not hers), and then repeats them like rhetoric.
   The other night, I was at her house for a party. The more wine she drinks, the chattier she gets. I was getting a kick out of being sober and listening to her talk more and more as the night wore on.
   Now, we’re sitting with another Mom from our park day group that I don’t know very well, and her husband that I’ve never met. Nice couple, but not someone that I’d like to divulge secrets to. So my big mouthed friend says “The only problem with having a kid so young come out (and she points to me) is that now they can no longer have sleepovers.” This is a statement that she’s made before, and I just tried to ignore it…in spite of the fact that I had told her my daughter’s sexual identity is something that I like to let my daughter decide who to share with. Not such a big deal because I know it has been discussed when we are not there, anyway. My daughter’s best friends mom took it upon herself to inform the group in the guise of concern. “Oh, her poor mother doesn’t even know!” Uh, yeah- I did know. Just because I didn’t talk to you about it, doesn’t mean that I hadn’t talked to my daughter about it.
   So now I feel like I need to address her comment. Actually, I have not decided to end sleepovers. I’m not going to tell my almost 16 year old that she can’t spend the night with the best friend she’s been doing that with for the last ten years because she is attracted to other girls. Her best friend isn’t a lesbian…and it isn’t like she’s going to ‘turn’ her into one. And also….she’s almost 16. I’m pretty sure that if she were determined to have sex, she would figure out a way to do it. She’s a smart girl, and I trust her. She’s also at the age where sex is going to naturally happen… long do you really expect them to wait? If she genuinely cares for someone and thinks she’s ready, then she has my blessing. Sure, I’d liker her to wait a little longer, but not too much…I think that messes you up just as much as being too young.
   I’m also not going to treat sex like it’s a dirty, nasty thing to be avoided, or treat my daughter like she’s a sexual predator who can’t control herself around any female. The thing that surprises me most is that this comment came from a woman who is both a lesbian and a feminist. I’m glad that I said something to her, though.


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