Where is All of This Headed?

   I know that if I’m asking this about my relationship, it isn’t a good sign. But lately I have been wondering. I have been seeing the same wonderful man since summer. I love him, we’re good together, and I enjoy his company. He has been very clear that he wants to spend the rest of our lives together, but he’s not yet in a position to do that….
   Sounds like a million other stories, doesn’t it? I think we both put the cart before the horse, in a sense. We were both still going through divorce when we met (which we are both finishing), and neither of us were living alone. I now have my own place, but it’s small….too small for him to bring all four kids for the weekend. He lives with family…..and his extremely religious mother has decided that if I spend the night- he must sleep on the couch. It almost feels like we are teenagers again. I certainly didn’t imagine that I would be dealing with these problems in my forties.
   He’s just started a new job that he’s really excited about. The hours are still part time for now, but they say he will be able to work up to full time. Even working full time, I don’t think that he could afford to live on his own with all four kids. He thinks that in a year he can get a promotion. Maybe then he could get his own place. But that’s a maybe….and a year away. In the meantime, I am left alone more and more often. I understand all of the reasoning behind it, but I didn’t get into a relationship to be alone most of the time. We’re both busy- it’s not just him. His schedule has changed dramatically, though.
   Even when we get time alone together, his ex-wife is constantly calling and texting. They are very committed to parenting together, and I applaud that. But sometimes it feels as if there is no space between them for me.
   I know that things won’t change. His mother will always be nosey and pushy, his ex-wife will be at every family function, and his kids will always need something. I don’t expect that to change, but I do need to figure out if I can really deal with those things.


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