Sometimes, things seem so horribly bleak that all you can do is cry in the middle of the night. Sometimes, things are even too bad to cry. There seems to be no way out, and the dark tunnel of existence only winds its way deeper into the bowels of regret and remorse. The really terrible thing is that you must then gird up your loins and march bravely into that damn pit….knowing full well what awaits you. It is not bravado or courage that brings you to this place, but simple resignation of what must be done and faith that you will come out the other side. Into these dark hollows we stumble, hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.
   These are the true hero’s, who do not run or skirt their duties- be them small or great. Those who do not put off the unpleasant, or downright hateful tasks at hand, but go willingly forth and perform to the best of their abilities.
   Me? I put off so many things that I must keep lists on my phone so that I don’t forget entirely in the end. I am one of those cowards who looks to others, to see first if anyone else will carry the load. It’s not intentional. I just always seem to be so close to my tipping point. Everyone else seems to handle their shit so much more decisively. It may not even be true, but it feels that way from where I stand. Never the less, I always have…
Hope

Happy Birthday to ME

   There’s nothing like being woken up at 1am on your birthday by drunk roommates whispering loudly in the hallway (you know…. in order not to wake you up, only they’re too drunk to realize how loud they really are). Thanks roomies…..I really wanted to celebrate my B-Day right from it’s beginning. Listening to you panting and groaning like animals was just an added bonus. Maybe I’ll wake up to find dog mess in the living room this morning as a cherry on top (I don’t even own a dog).
   I’m a cat person, always have been. Cats curl up to you when you sleep, just like babies. Dogs…dogs are stiff and pragmatic, even in slumber. They’re loud when there’s no need to be,  messy, and impolite.
   I used to think that the idea of a litter box was very odd. ‘Here’s a place to keep all your mess together’ But when you really think about it, it makes sense. I mean, we all have to excrete those things….why not keep it all together and covered up? It makes more sense than going outside and doing it all over the place!
   One of the best sounds in the world is a cats pur. You can hardly not smile in return. That sound let’s you know that everything is right in the world. Cats will even pur when they’re upset to help themselves calm down. Dogs? Dogs only have a noise to tell you they’re angry….as if
you couldn’t already tell from their body language.
   It’s mornings like this, that I am glad to have a fuzzy ball of fluff purring next to me. I’m sure it’s his way of saying ‘many happy returns of the day’…
Hope